Could it be a love triangle....I can't let that happen.

There has been so much going on. I think I may be starting a love triangle. It's so stupid. I see it coming but me stopping it would be too much like right. So therefore I can see me letting it go on until it comes to a head. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe it won't turn out the way I think it will. I hope it doesn't.

Monday I went to a local bar with my sister. First of all it is a place I never ever go to. But I figured why not go have a few drinks. After all I was supposed to go out with them on Sunday night but I didn't go because I was finally chilling with the bouncer. (it was about time) He just called me Sunday afternoon and asked me what my plans were for the day. When I said I didn't have any plans he told me he was coming over. At first I was skeptical because my daughter was home. I didn't know how I felt about him meeting my daughter. She hasn't seen me interact with anyone since my ex. But the more I thought about it the more I was cool with it. So we chilled all day. We watched some movies and went to get something to eat. Of course we talked about anything and everything. He didn't leave until 4:00 am and he had to be to work at 8:00am.

Anyway I kinda went off the original subject....I walked into the bar and the first person I see was "D". For those of you who know "D" y'all know I can't stand him. So he walked over to me and hugged me. He reminded me it was his birthday. He then proceded to remind me how we were together last year on his birthday. He told me how much he appreciated the cake I brought him. He even went on and on about how much he misses me. How much he cared for me. How he couldn't believe I chose to stay with my man instead of be with him. How I would always defend my man when he would say anything negative about him. (why did he think it was ok for him to talk shit about my man?) He told me I could have been "the one. " He pulled me outside to talk my ear off. I just listened because I knew he needed to get these things off his chest. I told him that there weren't any hard feelings but we were really done. I told him I was dealing with someone that I really like. He acted like I stabbed him in the heart. I know a lot of it was because he was drunk out of his mind but I also know that he still feels some type of way. Especially since he does text me every once in a while and tells me he is thinking of me. I never respond and if I do, then the response is usually negative. By the time I left that fool he was tearing up. I definitely knew that was the liquor. He told me he would call me tomorrow because he refuse to give up hope that we can get back together. He did call the next day and asked me if he made a fool of himself. I saved him his dignity and told him he didn't. I asked him if he remembered the things he said. He said he did remember and he did mean everything. Whatever! That's how I feel.

Tuesday when I woke up I knew it was going to be a beautiful day. I text one of my ex's. "R". I don't know if I have mentioned him before. We were together about 2 years ago. I don't really talk to him. He is the one I mentioned in a past post that he showed up at my house with a swishy sweatsuite on and I broke up with him. There was definitely more to the story, but that's all I mentioned. So anyway I asked him when was he going to take me on a ride on his bike. He text me back and said he was off work but he had some business to take care of so he would call me. He came to pick me up and DAYYUM!! He was looking good. He is getting sexier as he gets older. (He's 10 years older than me) So we was out. We went to TGIFridays to eat. Then afterward we went to his house. His house is beautiful. It has always been like that but he has made changes and it looks even better. It actually looks like he had an interior decorator come in to decorate. It is absolutely georgeous. It was just so familiar being there with him. We talked about how and why our relationship ended. We talked about how much we really cared about each other in such a short period of time. He let me know some things that I said or did that really hurt him. I told him what hurt me. The more we talked it was like we were clearing the air about some misconceptions. The more I thought about it it seemed like our relationship may have ended prematurely. Plus I was to busy cheating with the infamous Boss. I still hadn't let him go completely, but I really did care about "R". Maybe the timing with us was all wrong. I don't know but being with him stirred up old feelings. That's not ususal for me because once we are done we are done. Especially since it has been 2 years since we have been together. The only person I always went back to was Boss. And that wss because we never really left each other alone. When I left it was like I really didn't want to leave him.

Later that night I went to the club where my bouncer works. As soon as I walked up he did something that took me completely by surprise. He just literally threw his tongue down my throat! At first I was suprised then I just got lost in it. There was quite a few people out there but it seemed like there was no one there but us. You should have seen the look on everyone's face. All the other bouncers, the guys and the women were just stunned. After the kiss we just walked away like it was nothing. It was crazy. So I proceded to go in and enjoy my night. By the time we left there I was feeling nice. I had quite a few drinks and I was feelin' it. I was still ok because I knew I still had to drive. When I came out he was right there. He asked me if I had a good time. He told me how good I looked. Told me he couldn't wait to spend time with me again. And he definitely told me to be careful. The whole time we were talking it was like all eyes was on us.

When I talked to him the next day I asked him why did he kiss me like that. He said because he wanted everyone to know I was with him just in case anyone was trying to flirt with me. I just laughed at him. I wasn't even mad at him because I didn't come there for anyone else. I just wanted to get a few drinks and let him see how sexy I looked.

I'm kinda wondering if me and "R" will start to keep in touch or if we were both just feeling some type of way at that moment. Me and the bouncer promised that we wouldn't play any games with each other. I also want to be gentle with him because he was really hurt by the last girl. He isn't bitter about it and he already told me that is not going to stop him from doing everything for his woman. He said that he is still going to give the next woman everyhthing she wants. So I don't want to turn right back around and hurt him. And I know I can't hurt "R" again.

I know all of this sounds crazy, but I swear this is everything that is going on

This is what's going on.

Well bloggers, my house is falling apart again. It's not as bad as it could be. We had a horrible storm on Sunday. My whole city was drowning. School was closed the next day because it was still raining hard on Monday morning plus it kept randomly changing from rain to sleet to snow. Every thing was flooded. There was so many streets that was closed it was ridiculous. So I was in the house all day Sun. and Mon. I went down in the basement to put the dog in the cage and as soon as I stepped on the last step my socks were soaked. My carpet was saturated. UUUUGGGHHHH....So I took the carpet cleaner and tried to suck up as much water as I could. It's a pain in the ass because now it is starting to smell and my daddy came over to cut the carpet and pull it up. But he told me there are a few thing I could do to get the carpet to dry and to get the smell out of it. So I'm going to try and do what he told me to do. He said when his carpet got wet it took 2 weeks to get it together. So I'm going to see what happens but if I can't get it together I will just get rid of it and get new carpet. That's just more money I have to put out for another catastophe in that house. But like I said it could be worst.

My ex boyfriend text me early yesterday morning so I called him. I asked him if he was on his way to work. He said no so I asked him if he would come over to help me clean out my basement. He said yes and he was on his way. ( I love him) Anyway...when he got there I took immediate notice of how good he was looking. I have never been attracted to him. Not even the whole 2 years we were together. I was with him for other reasons. But he is picking up weight. He has been working out so he is getting nice and solid. He is growing a beard. He was looking a little tasty. Nothing happened. I know how y'all minds work ;-). After he cleaned my basement we just watched tv for a while then he was off to the gym.

I colored and cut my hair the other day. It came out brighter than it usually does because we used a booster. So now I'm a Natural (unnatural) blonde. I love my hair like this. It is an attention grabber. Some people like it some hate it. But I try to tell people at work that I don't need their opinion on my hair. Some people like it longer. Some like it darker, but the point is I don't get my hair done to please them.

So that's what's been going on with me what's been going on with you.

Oh BTW.... If you are wondering what's going on with the bouncer. I don't really know what's going on. He has been working to much for us to get together. But I did let him know that my attention span is real short!!

WINE ALL OVER THE BATHROOM FLOOR

The other night I was sitting at work talking to a few co-workers and we were reminiscing on old flames. Things we did in our past. How we have changed and calmed down a bit. Well I didn't mention this to them but I thought of something that made me smile to myself.

More than a few years ago I had a girlfriend that I was so cool with. We partied hard and partied quite often. One night we were at the club doing our usual. Flirting, drinking and just being us. We parted ways and did our thing. She met this guy and at the end of the night she introduced me to him. I thought nothing of it. The next day they decided to get together. So the rule back then was, you do not go anywhere alone for the first time. So I went with her and he invited one of his friends. We had a good time, but as the night went on there was something kinda weird about it. So the next day he called my house and told me that he was feeling me. He told me that I was more his type than she was. He made it clear that he meant no disrespect to her but he wanted to get to know me better. I was a little shocked but I did feel the vibe between us the night before. So we decided we would talk to her. She was more than ok with it. She said that she could tell he was feeling me and it wasn't a problem at all. She gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek and told me to go for what I know.

Two days we talked on the phone. The chemistry was crazy. Finally we decided we had to see each other. For the next 2 days I was M.I.A. No one knew where the hell I was. My daughter was with her daddy and he was keeping her for the rest of the week. So I had no worries. The second night he cooked dinner and afterwards he decided to chill some wine and run us a bath. We sat in the tub so long just talking and drinking wine. At one point he knocked over the last of the second bottle of wine on the bathroom floor. He looked at it and on instinct he said "aaawww shit!" Then he looked at me and said "I'm not worried about it. I'll clean it up later. That's the beauty of being grown. I don't have to jump to clean up the wine, instead I'm going to just relax right here in this tub with you and I'll clean it up whenever I'm ready."

Maybe it was because we had drowned 2 bottles of wine and I was tipsy as hell but I really stopped and thought about what he said. There I was about 23 years old, a child of my own. I had my own place and I had left the city without having to answer to anyone and tell them where I was going. I didn't have to call and check in with anyone when I got there. I was in the tub with this grown ass man, who knew he was grown and knew what he wanted. He wanted me and he didn't play any games to get me he just came right out and said it. I thought about all of that as I was looking at the wine that had spilled onto the bathroom floor.

So when we got out of the tub, I made sure I let him know that I was finally realizing just how grown I was. So we did what grown folx do. And we did that all night long!

In case you want to know what happened to us....We were together for a year. I cheated on him, and we broke up. He did try to forgive and put us back together but his pride just would not let him.

I feel good

I'm feelin myself today and I would like to share....It feels good to be a young, and free black woman. I'm single, I'm sexy and I can do what I want to do. I had this overwhelming feeling last night as I was driving in to work. I thought about how I have a house where there is always something going wrong. There is always something that needs to be fixed, but guess what....it's mine. I thought about how I'm always talking about I'm broke but I always got a little stash somewhere if I need it. I thought about how it's just me, my daughter and my dog in my house and I just smiled.

There are people who have way more than what I have. Then there are those who are less fortunate than me. But I am so content with where I am right now. I think about where I was just 5 years ago and I think about how much further I have come since then. I think about how hard I work to maintain what I have. But I also think about how I do have my health so I can get up and do what I gotta do to get the things I want.

Then I look at my reflection in the mirror and I like what I see. We as women are always complaining about all the flaws we have. We focus on all the things we don't like instead of looking at the things that make us beautiful. If I could there are a few things I would change. But when I actually look at the overall picture I realize that I am freakin' beautiful. Part of the reason I believe that is because I am a black woman. That makes me feel so empowered. Just being a woman period is a beautiful thing. I wouldn't change that for the world. Women have so much power and they don't even realize. I am fully aware that this is a man's world. But we all know it wouldn't be nothing without a woman's touch.

One more thing before I go.....Women, I want to tell you something....Keep doing what you do. Don't worry about who the hell got something to say about how you're handling your business. If there is another female all up in your business, and she always has something negative to say. Then to hell with her because she is probably jealous of your swagger. If a man always got something negative to say, and he feel the need to call you outside of your name or trash your character to the next man. Then to hell with him too. Because regardless of what he says chances are he wants you and if you gave him the time of day he would love to just be in you presence. So if you are taking care of you and yours. If you got your own place, your own car, your own money and you depend on no one else for what you need. Then why would you ever worry about what someone else has to say. And women we need to uplift one another instead of try to break each other down.

BTW...I can not explain to you how this song makes me feel. I absolutely love Ne-yo.

Happy Easter!

UPDATE

My house is still jacked the hell up!! The guy stood me up. I haven't heard from him. I'm trying to find someone else to get the job done. I have a cousin of mine coming to assess the damage today.

The bouncer is still turning me on more and more. I seen him yesterday. I met him at the club. It was early in the day. It was just a mutual meeting place. I parked my car and we went to a local diner to get something to eat. We didn't have much time to spend together because he had to work. It was cool because I enjoyed myself.

The food was good, the conversation was great, but the goodbye kisses were awesome. He kissed me like he has been kissing my lips forever. Like he had already explored the inside of my mouth before. I was kinda shocked. I usually don't kiss people. Not all like that. Mostly because I hate when someone ruins a kiss. You know the ones that are really slobbering all over you instead of kissing you.

As I was driving home I got this all to familiar feeling......It's something that is so typical of me. When I first meet a guy that I like I am all into him. I'm always complimenting him. I'm all googly-eyed over him. I can't wait to hear from him and definitely can't wait to see him. Then about 2 months later I'm bored. Then I'm trying to plan the great escape. Meanwhile he is still feeling me and he thinks everything is everything. But I'm like "NEXT". It's sad but I already know that's what's going to happen with this guy. I'll keep you posted.

To club or not to club? That is the question

The weekend is over and I did absolutely positively nothing. I worked Friday night. Saturday morning when I got home it was all over. I washed my hair cleaned up my house then went to sleep. I didn't go out Saturday night. That's my other go out and get drunk night. But I didn't feel like doing anything. I'm sure my brother was there. (silkysmooth) Check him out to the left. He was saying that he was spending way too much money clubbing. I definitely feel his pain. Over the last 2 months I have spent so much money on clothes and clubbing. I like to drink when I go out so I make sure I have plenty money with me so I can do my thing. Then eventhough I always say I'm not going to by somehting new I always buy either some new jeans, a new shirt or some shoes. Or I have to get my nails done. Or I need a fresh pedicure.
Meanwhile back at the ranch my daggone house is falling apart. I know that is so trifling. I asked my daughter if she ever seen the movie "The money pit" She said no, so I told her welcome to it! She acts like I'm exaggerating but I'm not.

My tub was all messed up for a while. The water was draining very slow. Then it went from slow to almost not draining at all. So I called my daddy. Of course because he is the freakin' man he had a temporary solution. So he went to Home Depot, and got me some high power, real potent stuff to pour in the drain. So I proceded to use it with much caution. It had a million warning signs about how dangerous it could be if it comes in contact with you skin. If you even inhale the fumes. So I used it and I let it sit for hours before I tried to drain it. When I finally let the hot water run in the tub I was not impressed. Then I turned on the water in the sink and I heard all of this noise downstairs. Well the water was leaking thru the ceiling and onto the freakin' floor. So I had to put 2 buckets in the kitchen to catch the water because it is leaking in 2 different spots. I called my daddy and told him that stuff made it worst. He said that it must have been so strong and my pipes were weak so it ate thru my pipes. Thank God the guy that is fixing it is coming later on today. My daddy told me whatever he charges me to just pay it and he will reimburse me. ( I love that man)

Anyway I will be back at the club on Tuesday. Not just because I want to see the bouncer ;-). Seriously that's not the reason. I will just feel better about going out because the leak will be fixed and technically I'm not paying for it. So I will have a few extra dollars that I didn't plan on having because I had that money put aside to pay the plumber. Not to mention the fact that it will be a wonderful 75 degrees. So once again I will feel compelled to show some leg. Especially since he obviously likes it when I show some leg. I won't even go any further about him because although we talk everyday it is not going the way I really want it to. Not yet anyway. But I'm not sweating it because when I break him off some, I'm gonna have him looking for me in the daytime with a flashlight with the highbeams on!