Could it be a love triangle....I can't let that happen.

There has been so much going on. I think I may be starting a love triangle. It's so stupid. I see it coming but me stopping it would be too much like right. So therefore I can see me letting it go on until it comes to a head. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe it won't turn out the way I think it will. I hope it doesn't.

Monday I went to a local bar with my sister. First of all it is a place I never ever go to. But I figured why not go have a few drinks. After all I was supposed to go out with them on Sunday night but I didn't go because I was finally chilling with the bouncer. (it was about time) He just called me Sunday afternoon and asked me what my plans were for the day. When I said I didn't have any plans he told me he was coming over. At first I was skeptical because my daughter was home. I didn't know how I felt about him meeting my daughter. She hasn't seen me interact with anyone since my ex. But the more I thought about it the more I was cool with it. So we chilled all day. We watched some movies and went to get something to eat. Of course we talked about anything and everything. He didn't leave until 4:00 am and he had to be to work at 8:00am.

Anyway I kinda went off the original subject....I walked into the bar and the first person I see was "D". For those of you who know "D" y'all know I can't stand him. So he walked over to me and hugged me. He reminded me it was his birthday. He then proceded to remind me how we were together last year on his birthday. He told me how much he appreciated the cake I brought him. He even went on and on about how much he misses me. How much he cared for me. How he couldn't believe I chose to stay with my man instead of be with him. How I would always defend my man when he would say anything negative about him. (why did he think it was ok for him to talk shit about my man?) He told me I could have been "the one. " He pulled me outside to talk my ear off. I just listened because I knew he needed to get these things off his chest. I told him that there weren't any hard feelings but we were really done. I told him I was dealing with someone that I really like. He acted like I stabbed him in the heart. I know a lot of it was because he was drunk out of his mind but I also know that he still feels some type of way. Especially since he does text me every once in a while and tells me he is thinking of me. I never respond and if I do, then the response is usually negative. By the time I left that fool he was tearing up. I definitely knew that was the liquor. He told me he would call me tomorrow because he refuse to give up hope that we can get back together. He did call the next day and asked me if he made a fool of himself. I saved him his dignity and told him he didn't. I asked him if he remembered the things he said. He said he did remember and he did mean everything. Whatever! That's how I feel.

Tuesday when I woke up I knew it was going to be a beautiful day. I text one of my ex's. "R". I don't know if I have mentioned him before. We were together about 2 years ago. I don't really talk to him. He is the one I mentioned in a past post that he showed up at my house with a swishy sweatsuite on and I broke up with him. There was definitely more to the story, but that's all I mentioned. So anyway I asked him when was he going to take me on a ride on his bike. He text me back and said he was off work but he had some business to take care of so he would call me. He came to pick me up and DAYYUM!! He was looking good. He is getting sexier as he gets older. (He's 10 years older than me) So we was out. We went to TGIFridays to eat. Then afterward we went to his house. His house is beautiful. It has always been like that but he has made changes and it looks even better. It actually looks like he had an interior decorator come in to decorate. It is absolutely georgeous. It was just so familiar being there with him. We talked about how and why our relationship ended. We talked about how much we really cared about each other in such a short period of time. He let me know some things that I said or did that really hurt him. I told him what hurt me. The more we talked it was like we were clearing the air about some misconceptions. The more I thought about it it seemed like our relationship may have ended prematurely. Plus I was to busy cheating with the infamous Boss. I still hadn't let him go completely, but I really did care about "R". Maybe the timing with us was all wrong. I don't know but being with him stirred up old feelings. That's not ususal for me because once we are done we are done. Especially since it has been 2 years since we have been together. The only person I always went back to was Boss. And that wss because we never really left each other alone. When I left it was like I really didn't want to leave him.

Later that night I went to the club where my bouncer works. As soon as I walked up he did something that took me completely by surprise. He just literally threw his tongue down my throat! At first I was suprised then I just got lost in it. There was quite a few people out there but it seemed like there was no one there but us. You should have seen the look on everyone's face. All the other bouncers, the guys and the women were just stunned. After the kiss we just walked away like it was nothing. It was crazy. So I proceded to go in and enjoy my night. By the time we left there I was feeling nice. I had quite a few drinks and I was feelin' it. I was still ok because I knew I still had to drive. When I came out he was right there. He asked me if I had a good time. He told me how good I looked. Told me he couldn't wait to spend time with me again. And he definitely told me to be careful. The whole time we were talking it was like all eyes was on us.

When I talked to him the next day I asked him why did he kiss me like that. He said because he wanted everyone to know I was with him just in case anyone was trying to flirt with me. I just laughed at him. I wasn't even mad at him because I didn't come there for anyone else. I just wanted to get a few drinks and let him see how sexy I looked.

I'm kinda wondering if me and "R" will start to keep in touch or if we were both just feeling some type of way at that moment. Me and the bouncer promised that we wouldn't play any games with each other. I also want to be gentle with him because he was really hurt by the last girl. He isn't bitter about it and he already told me that is not going to stop him from doing everything for his woman. He said that he is still going to give the next woman everyhthing she wants. So I don't want to turn right back around and hurt him. And I know I can't hurt "R" again.

I know all of this sounds crazy, but I swear this is everything that is going on