With me around there are hardly any dull moment. Smiles are what I like to see, laughter is what I like to hear and Hugs & kisses are what I like to feel.Sometimes it seems like I have so much going on all at once. No matter what I always remain smiling because the Lord watches over me.

Monday, March 24, 2008

My girls and my ex

I was supposed to go to Missouri for Easter. But instead I stayed home. My daughter and my little sister went. But the more I thought about it the more I was excited about the thought of me having my house all to myself for 5 days. So Thursday morning we were up at 5:00 am and on our way to the airport. They had a 7:30 flight and you know you have to be there two hours before your flight. Anyway they barely had their suitcases out of the trunk before I was peeling wheels out of the airport. I know that sound horrible, but I rolled out on their asses. What makes it so bad is it was my daughter's first time flying but I just gave her a kiss and told her she would be fine. I know, what kind of mother am I? :-) But seriously she was fine. I kept her up all night so she was tired and I know that nothing stands in the way of my daughter getting her sleep. So she slept on the plane. When I talked to her she said everything was fine, and she had a good flight.

So since I had the whole house to myself I took advantage of it. I have been spending time with Boss (the ex-boyfriend). He swears we are getting back together and eventually getting married. He is so delusional. I told him I'm just here for the sex. He doesn't believe me but whatever. He is dealing with this girl and she seems really nice. I like them two together although I can tell she has some shit with her. She reminds me to much of me, and we all know I got some shit with me. Hahaha.... Anyhoo....She is cute, got a descent job, her own place, no kids. She is mature, she's really sweet, she is really into him, BUT what I do believe is that part of this is an act. I know she really likes him but she tries to act like she is ok with me and him still being friends. I'm willing to bet my life that she is not cool with it at all. But she knows a little bit about our history and she knows it is too early for her to be making any kind of demands on him or giving him any kind of ultimatums. So she is just chilling. Plus she is trying so hard to get him in bed with her. He has been prcrastinating that for weeks now. She figures if she can get him in bed and put it on him them she will have a better position with him. I know this sounds crazy but I'm a woman and I know how conniving women can be. Because I am one. I had to remind him about how he thought he had me all figured out when we first got together and as time went on he realized he didn't know shit! He stared out into space and though for a minute, then he cracked up laughing. He thought I was such a "good girl" when he met me. As time went on he realized I wasn't as innocent as I appeared to be. I think it's the exact same story with her. I look at the kind of friends she has and I know she has a wild side to her also. I know all of my friends were a mess and I was the most low key one of them all but I had just as much shit going on as they did. That is the same thing I see in her. It's funny because eventhough I think this way about her I still think she would be good for him . She might be able to handle him.But anyway, we will see.

My girls will be back home today at 10:00pm. I have enjoyed my time alone but of course it went way to quickly. I am looking forward to being alone in my house. In 4 1/2 more years my daughter will be off to college. I hate being like that but I can't help the way I feel, and I just enjoy being alone.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

We're done

The shit finally hit the fan between me and "R". It's gotten to the point that we could end up on the other side of that thin line between love and hate. I won't even get into all that happened because it was really juvenile and I really thought a man his age would have been a little more mature than that, but apparantly I was wrong. So after the BS went down we talked later and he told me he doesn't love me any more and I should move on because he already has. I wasn't mad about him moving on. Especially because we had already discussed that several weeks ago. What I was upset about was him telling me he was going to do something then going back on his word. I was so pissed over that. Especially since he VOLUNTEERED to do it I didn't ask him. Anyway long story short we decided that we will no longer talk but I told him to bring my daughter's bike to me because it has been in his garage every since we left his house. He told me he will bring it but he doesn't know when. Well that further infuriated me because if you don't want to be bothered any longer then stop prolonging the dumb shit. But don't worry because I'm just going to get my daddy's truck and go get it myself. That will piss him off because I showed up at his house unannounced.

My girlfriend was real mad when she heard what happened. She actually seemed like she was hurt because things didn't work out with him and I. But I had to make her see things from his point of view. I had a whole relationship with another man for 4 months while I was with him. If the shoe was on the other foot and I told my girls that he had been cheating on me for that amount of time, or even if it was a one time thing. Their first and only reaction would be to tell me to leave him. Then if I did leave him and he expressed any interest in us getting back together they would be telling me to just move on because if he could live a completely separate life from me and cheat on me then why would I consider getting back with him. Furthermore I told her he has every right to move on and be bitter towards me because his mind probably continuously wonders about who knew I was cheating on him. Who was sitting in his face laughing and joking with him and knowing all along there was someone else in the picture which makes him look like a fool. Or how big of a fool would he be to just forgive my infidelity. After all, twice he was about to put a ring on my finger. Then your mind starts to wonder to all types of other things. I'm sure you guys can imagine what I'm talking about. So now he has some other chick all in his face and giving him the sweet act and making him feel wanted and kinda healing his pain. So now he is deciding that it is time to move on and get out of the vicious cycle between us.

Once I broke it down like that to my girl, she was a little more at ease. I know it sounds crazy that I had to counsel her thru our break up but I did. One thing about me is I ALWAYS have the ability to put myself in the other person's shoes and see things from their point of view. I am very understanding, and I understand why he felt like he had to do what he had to do the other day. HOWEVER......She needs to know she crossed a line the other day and I let it go because like I said I understand her wanting to show me that she is the new woman in his life. I'm ok with that but she better watch it. No one is more vidictive or conniving then me. And that has nothing to do with me doing something to try to get him back. It's all about her knowing she need not cross that line with me. But if anything else happens I will let y'all know.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

More babble

Last night the time changed. I went up an hour and now it gets dark later. The weather is getting a tad bit warmer and I am getting ready. I get so excited at the thought of spring coming. I am aware that March is a fickle month. It can be warn weather one day then a snow storm the next. But it doesn't matter because I still know that this month represents the beginning of the end of winter.

My home improvements are coming along quite nicely. I just put up new cutains in the dining room. I brought a new dining room set a few days ago. Unfortunately it won't be in stock until the middle of the month. That's a bummer especially because the place I brought it from usually can deliver the furniture the same day or the next day, but of course I had to get a set that wasn't available right away. I hate waiting for it. I'm so excited about finally finding a set that I really liked, and me and my daughter agreed on. So any way today I put up the new curtains, cleaned the chandelier, and vacuumed the floor, and put up the clock. So now all thats' missing is that dam table. Oh well, like they say, patience is a virtue. Then I talked to my daddy about tiling the porch. So he is going to help me do that. Then I have the guy on speed dial who is going to carpet the floors. I just have to get my money right before I can do that. I'm about to go on vacation, so after I get back I will work on that.

Speaking of vacation.....I'm going to Missouri for easter. Why Missouri you ask. My brother is there. He has a really big house there, so we decided to go to his house for easter. I believe I will have a good time but sometimes family gatherings start to irk my nerves after a while. I hate to say that because it's not nice. Don't get me wrong, I'm very family oriented but sometimes I like to be oriented from a distance. But I promised my brother I would be there so I'm going. I got half a mind to just send my daughter and my sister together and just stay home to enjoy my house all by my lonesome.

I callled "R" the other day and I was telling him about my plans to go to Missouri. I just casually mentioned that I had to figure out what to do with the dog. I told him that the kennel near me charges $26 a day. I'm not to thrilled about paying that kind of money to house my dog. He suggested that he take care of the dog. He said he would look in on her or he would bring her home with him. WTF!! This man barely wants anything to do with me but he has no problem taking care of my dog for 6 days. Are you freakin kiddin me?! Whatever. I'm going to let him do it because at least I won't have to worry about her. Plus I know he really loves that stupid dog. I was ready to get rid of her in the summer and at first he was looking for someone to take her then he stopped looking and told me we need to keep her because she really is a good dog. But it's mighty funny that when he decided we were moving to fast and I went back home the freakin dog went back home with me. But I know that he really works too much to have a dog. That's why he got rid of his 2 dogs when him and his wife split up because he didn't really have the time to take care of them by himself. Anyway....

Overall I'm feeling quite blessed these days. Life has just been kinda easy breasy. My daughter is about to start working and I love it. I started my new job already, but I'm still at my other job too. I like being able to work both places because sometimes you get tired of the same ole thing. And eventhough I'm working 2 jobs I still have plenty of time to myself because of how the schedule works out. So everyone at my house will be working and doing their own thing. My little sister will be leaving for college in July. I'm very much looking forward to that for several different reasons. I just don't have any complaints. I do wish things were different between me and "R" but it's no somethng that I'm stressed about. How can I be stressed about with spring and summer right around the corner?