It's all good

I was on my way to work and it seemed like I didn't have a freakin' care in the world. For some strange reason when I'm by myself in my car just cruising down the street listening to my music life just seems so good. I was happy to be going to work because there are some people who do not even have a job to go to. I was happy that me and my child are both healthy. Some people don't have their health. I was happy that I am driving a descent, reliable car. I was happy that my bills are paid and I still have money in the bank. I was happy that in less than 2 weeks my baby girl will be 13. That mean God has blessed her to be hear to see another year.

For her birthday I finally decided what I am going to do. We are going to stay in Atlantic City. There is a car and bike show there on her birthday. Puffy will be there, or P-Diddy, or whatever the hell his name is these days. Fat Joe and Terror Squad will be there and a few others. I think she will really like that. Me, her Carla and Carla's god daughter which happens to be my daughter's best friend. Then the next day when we leave we will be on our way to Clementon Park. My job is having our company picnic there. So that will be what her birthday weekend consists of.

Now, we might run into a small problem because what if her dad wanted to see her for her birthday. We used to always have parties or barbeques for her b-day. She is getting older and I don't have the energy to have a party. I hope he doesn't think I'm being selfish because I have the whole weekend planned out.

The little girl got issues.

So the other night we were leaving my sister's house and my daughter had her face all tore up the way she usually does when she has a freakin' attitude about nothing at all. I told her to fix her face because she is always walking around looking so dam miserable. To which she replied that she is miserable. She told me that I am so mean to her all the time. Apparantly I never pay her any attention. She told me that if I have an attitute with my man that I take things out on her. She told me I'm always raggin' on her (what type of phrase is that?) Anyway I knew what she meant. She said she always try to wake up and start her day on a positive note but if she make one mistake then I go on and on about it then her day is ruined.

Now keep in mind that while she is telling me all of this she was very emotional so I told her she better calm down and stop screaming. To which she replied, "I'm screaming because we have had this conversation before and you are not listening to me". So because of the tone in her voice I thought she was loosing her dam mind. So I stopped the car, put it in park and back handed the hell out of her! I told her that I don't give a fuck how many times we may have had this very same conversation. She will not be screaming at me like she is crazy. I told her that if I unclick this seatbelt I'm really going to fuck her up. So she took a deep breath and calmed herself a bit. I told her that she did not birth me I birthed her. I had to remind her who the parent is. I don't mind listening to what she has to say but there is a way she needs to talk to me.

Anyway she went on and on about what a horrible parent I am to her. So I asked her if she wanted to live with her dad. To which she replied,"I can't stand my dad ." She said that all he cares about is his wife and their kids.

Let me give you just a little bit of background on that....She was the only child between the both of us for 10 years. Now her dad has 3 other babies by his wife and now my child feels like he doesn't have time for her. I don't agree with her. She is just not used to sharing him.

So anyway she goes on to inform me that she has contemplated suicide, because she is just so miserable. She told me that there isn't anything in her life that makes her happy. I told her she was being dramatic and she needs to get herself together.

I refuse to let her try to run a guilt trip on me. She told me that she will never treat her kids the way I treat her. I laughed at that because I remember when I thought the same thing when I was a child and my mom was beating my ass or keeping me from doing something that I wanted to do. I told her that I used to think that my mom was so mean also, but as I got older I realized that she was right and I was wrong. She had the freakin audacity to tell me that she KNOWS that my mom was not mean and she didn't beat me and cuss me out the way I do her. I told her that she has no idea the type of shit that my mom did to me. She remembers the sweet grandmom that hardly ever laid a hand on her. My mom had a heart problem therefore the younger kids and my daughter got away with murder. But the woman that raised me was not ill at all. She was young and healthy and she whopped my ass whenever I was getting out of hand and she cussed me out and called me everything but the child of God.

I was so pissed off with her for trying to tell me what went on in my life before her little ass even came along. I told her that my grandmom got her ass beat, she beat my mom ass, my mom beat my ass and I'm going to beat her ass so she can turn around and beat her child's ass. I told her you call me when you get grown and have your own smart ass little girl and you know that you are giving her the fuckin world and she comes at you with a smart ass mouth like she is grown and acting like you are her child instead of the other way around and then you tell me how you are going to handle that situation! I'll bet you any amount of money you are going to beat her ass.

Why am I not rich?

I need a get rich quick scheme. No don't laugh I'm serious. I know there are plenty of people out there who believe they should be rich, but I really think that I deserve to be hob-nobbing with the rich & famous. Actually I don't want to be rich & famous. I don't need people all up in my business. I already have enough drama in my life, could you imagine if I was famous how much shyte I could get myself into? Anyway I do have some very compelling arguements as to why I should be at least well off. First of all I'm not a stingy person. If I was well off I would definitely share the wealth. All the little people I had to step on to get to where I want to be, I would still take care of those people. Secondly I'm to dam cute to be broke. It's really horrible when you see a cute girl with so much potential but she has on busted clothes and cheap ass shoes, and a jacked up weave. Poor thing. She could be so much more if only she had the means. Well I refuse to let that happen to me so I will go in debt to make sure my shyte is tight. Therefore if it comes down to paying the gas and electric bill or a $120.00 pair of shoes. It is a no-brainer. The shoes win hands down. If it comes down to the water bill or getting my $150.00 micro-braids done. Once again that should be a no-brainer. I have to make sure my hair is tight. Hell, I have a cousin that live 4 doors down, I can take a dam shower at her house. Another reason I should be well off is so I don't have to work so hard. I would like to just be able to have an easy going job at a florist or a little boutique. I want to just work maybe 3 days a week, 4 hours a day. That sounds good. I don't want to have to do anything to stressful.

These are just a few reasons why I think I deserver to maybe win the lottery, or hit the jackpot in Atlantic City, or have a wealthy long lost relative kick the bucket and leave me a large amount of money along with a home sitting in the middle of 5 acres of land.

Why do you think you should be rich?

When everthing comes together.

There is still a whole bunch of bullshit going on in my life right now but I don't feel like talking about that right now. I will fill yall in later.....Right now I want to take this time to acknowledge a few things that made me smile over the past weekend......

Despite the fact that I worked friday night I still woke up early on Saturday afternoon because I had a few things I needed to do before I went to the family reunion. First I had to get my new car washed. There is this place that I go to and I will not go anywhere else. It is owned by Mexicans and they are the shyte when it comes to washing and detailing a car. First of all there is always a crazy long line. They are right on the highway and believe it or not traffic is always backed up on the highway because there are so many people there on any given day. They are very fast and very efficient. I always leave feeling completely satisfied. They seem to just go that extra mile and I absolutely love it. So after my car was all polished up I was headed to the nail salon to get my nails refilled and get a pedicure. I have been going to the same place for the past 3 years and I must say that I am completely satisfied with the service there also. First I got my nails refilled which took no time at all. Then I was on my way to the other side for my pedicure. OMG! That was THE best pedicure I have ever had. But, have you ever had a really good refill on your nails then when it was time for the polish and designs it was all messed up? Or the same with a pedicure? Once it was time to polish your toes and do the designs it was all jacked up? Well that has happened to me before but not this time. The polish was perfect right along with the designs. I could have modeled my feet once I was done. They looked perfectly suckable. Then again my feet look like that anyway :-)

After those two wonderful experiences I was ready to go back home and get dressed. I had an idea of what I was going to wear but of course like most women I changed my mind at the last minute. I finally decided on an outfit that I was very pleased with. I knew I was looking to cute but it was one of those outfits that didn't look like I was trying to hard it just looked effortless but it was so perfect. When I got to the family reunion my sister told me I looked cute and that was all the approval I needed because she is considered the Guru of fashion. I must have been looking good because "D" was sweating me from the minute he saw me. He made sure he kept an eye on me. Later that night I got a few calls from him on my cell phone that I didn't answer then he had the nerve to text me and tell me he wanted me back. I so nicely called him and politely cussed him out.

I had fell asleep and after I woke up and talked to "D" I had an urge to talk to my man. When I called him his phone was turned off or it was dead. So by now it is 1:30 a.m. I decided I was going to go look for him. I called my girl Carla and asked her was she sleep. Of course she wasn't because she is a night owl like me. I asked her if she would take a ride with me so I could look for Boss. She was like yeah, come and get me. So we drove around town to a couple of bars trying to stalk him. I finally did get in touch with him and I felt real stupid because he was in the house. So after I talked to him me and Carla went to the diner to get something to eat.

I just need to let it be known that Carla is my girl. No matter when I call her she is always ready to go wherever or do whatever. I really did appreciate her coming out with me in the middle of the night to help me stalk my man. That's the type of friends I need.

So shout out to Magic car wash for shining up my car. Shout out to Hollywood nails for giving me the best refills and pedicures and shout out to my girl Carla for always being down to do whatever.

More of the everyday BS

I told yall everything that happened the other day between "D" and my man. Well the next day my sister called me and told me some crazy ass rumor that she had heard about my man. I didn't really pay it to much attention because it sounded outlandish. When I got off the phone with her I did call him and I couldn't get in touch with him so I sent him a text message. A few hours later he called me and I asked him if he got my text message. He said yes then he just started blackin' out on me. He told me he knew I was still fuckin' with this dude. He just had to find out and everything worked out just the way he planned it out. He told me that he had some girl tell "D" the rumor and see how soon I would confront him with it. That would be his proof that I was still talking to this dude. I sat there and calmy listened to him and when he was done I so nicely informed him that I did not hear it from "D". I told him that my sister told me. He procedes to go on and on about how my sister could not have possible told me because the girl only told"D", so therefore I had to have heard it from him. He swore I was so cold busted. He just knew he had me caught up in a lie. So I finally had to break it down to him and tell him how my sister was able to get this information. I finally told him exactly who "D" was. I won't explain it to yall because it is just to complicated. Anyway he was livid once he realized who this guy is. The more he thought about it the madder he became. So now he feels like everyone is talking about him behind his back because certain people from my family that he has been around lately have already known what the situation was.

I tried to explain to him that he is just extremely jealous of me and him still being together but his immaturity won't let him process what I'm saying. His response was, "he can have you." I really hate when men are hurt so they don't know what else to do but act immature. Then he calmed down and called me and told me he loves me and wants us to be a family again. That lasted all of 5 minutes before we started argueing again. I think what's happening is we are definetely coming to an end but it is hard for both of us to let go because it has been 5 years, and we have separated numerous times before,but we both know that if it happens this time it will be the last time.

The only thing that pisses me off is now "D" is text messaging me stupid shit. It's almost like he is trying to taunt me. I tried to tell my man that he is just giving that bitch ass nigga what he wants. Another thing is we are having a family reunion today and he will be there. I'm going and Lawd knows I'm going to be looking so good. I know that is so shallow but I'm going to make sure everything is perfect from head to toe. I want him to really be mad because I'm looking this good and no matter what he says or do I will never have anything to do with him. And I will be smiling the entire time I'm there because I also need to let him know that there isn't anything he can do to stress me.

Why can't everything be all good all at once?

Where do I begin?!?!............

PART 1

Since I brought my car I have been having the luck of the Irish. I'm just waiting for the bottom to drop out. First I got my mortgage statement 2 weeks ago and it was $70.00 less than normal, so I called the company and inquired about the decrease. I didn't want to just go ahead and pay it and then they tell me some bullshit about I owe them. So anyway they told me that the statement was correct. The reason for the change was because of a decrease in my escrow. I was satisfied with that so that is a couple extra dollars in my pocket. Then 3 days after that I was at the mall with my sisters when I got home there was a check in the mail for $195.00 from the mortgage company. I could not believe it. When I spoke to them they didn't mention I would be getting any reimbursement. So I was happy about that and I deposited it in the bank. Yesterday I went to Commerce bank with my sister so she could open an account. When she was done I just happened to ask the girl to check on an old account that I had there. I knew one of the accounts was closed because I was overdrawn on it. I was owing them $600.00. (Don't even ask how or why) The reason why I asked her was because a few weeks ago I had received a letter from them stating that they needed to know if I wanted to keep the account open and if they didn't hear from me it would be closed. I didn't give it to much thought because I had tried a while ago to use my mac card to pull money out and it didn't work so I thought I couldn't touch the money. Well, come to find out the account was open and active and they had just closed it the day before. The girl told me she could either open it back up or give me a check for $264.00. Can you believe that I had almost $300.00 sitting in an account for 3 years! So I opened the account up again, and I am very happy about that.

PART 2

Remember a few months ago I was dealing with some guy named "D"? Well the other day my man called me and told me that he seen him. My first instinct was to ask a million quesions. But I let it go. Then he called me back and told me the stupid shit that nigga was sayin' (excuse me because I don't usually type that word) Anyway he was braggin to somebody about how he was fucking me and my man was taking care of me. Yadda-yadda-yadda. Basically just talkin shit. So I told my man all the slimy shit he was saying about him while I was dealing with him. I told him that a big reason why I stopped dealing with him was because he was hating on my man so fuckin' hard. He was really pissed off because I wouldn't fall all over him like the rest of his women did. He really expected me to leave my man alone for him and it seemed like he would actually get jealous when my man would do something for me. I guess the last straw was the last time I seen him he tried to get me to sleep with him and I guess I was a little rude but I really wasn't trying to be rude. I just thought he already knew that there was no way in hell we were ever going to sleep together again. I had stopped that shit so long ago. I guess I was almost offended that he thought he had it like that, and I was just going to jump right in bed with him. I know he can't even remember the last time we had slept together, because I know dam well I can't remember.

I had to explain to my man that men also do bitch shit. I assured him that I have had no contact with him. He is just the mad rapper because he can't have what my man has......................................................Although I must be honest. Things are quite shaky between me and Boss right now. I really think this could be the END of our almost 5 year relationship.I don't really think I will share the real reason, but if I do decide it won't be right now it will be in a later post.