Oh well!!

I'm not one of those goody-goody girls. I do what I want to do when I feel like doing it. Oh well!!

He went to his homecoming. He said he was going to come home that night but I kinda didn't expect him to. So I went to see "C". About midnight he called me and I ignored his call. About an hour later he called again. I ignored his call. I stayed all night with "C" The next morning while I was on my way home I called my man. He made small talk for a littlle while then he asked me when did I get home last night because he came past my house on his way home. I told him I was on my way home as we speak. I'm sure he took a minute to note that it was 11:30 am. He said where did you stay. I told him I stayed with my girlfriend. Click! He hung up on me. I called him back a couple times and he wouldn't pick up. So before I went to work I went to his house. He was sitting there watching tv and eating crabs. Just chillin. Of course I made sure I disrupted that whole scene. We argued because he was ignoring me. He bitched about me not coming home all night. I told hm to get over it. Then I was tired of the back and forth bickering so I asked him bottom line, Are you done with me? He couldn't answer that question. Part of him wanted to say yes because he was hurt. The other part of him is not sure whether or not I'm telling the truth about where I stayed so he doesn't want to cal it quits just yet. I told him I don't like shit being in limbo. If you are done say, you're done but you won't have me wondering if we are together or not. He was so pissed off he didn't know what to do with himself. Before I left he was telling me that he just needed time alone. He said he was just really pissed off and he really wanted to choke the shit out of me. He also told me that he loved me and he would call me tomorrow.

No mattter what he wants to do I'm ok with that. If we break up he won't have to ever worry about me again. If we stay together I'll just continue doing what I'm doing. I will just deal with it one episode at a time.

Trying to right a wrong and still did wrong

Lately I know I have been being a little bitchy towards my man. For instance he had tickets for us to go to a show on Sunday. I caught an attitude because I found out who we were supposed to be going with. So I decided not to go. That afternnon before we were supposed to leave he called me and asked was I going and I told him no. I told him to have a good time and I would see him later. Needless to say he was pissed. I even had the nerve to call him back and ask him did he want me to come over later on that night. He was like "whatever" Anyway, when he got home we talked and because he had a little liquor in him he let me know how disappointed he was. I kinda felt bad but "whatever" It was over and done and it wasn't anything I could do to change the fact that I didn't go. So a few days later we had a small disagreement about something and I told him that everyday I realize he is not "the one" He was pissed about that. So the next day after I got off work and got some sleep (remember I work over night) I got up and decided I was going to do something nice for him. So I went to the liquor store (it's always good to have liquor when your trying to butter some one up). Anyway I got him some cold beers and got myself some smirnoff ice. I went to the grocery store to get the ingredients I needed for dinner. I went over to his house and I started preparing everything. I made dinner. I took a pound cake and sliced it up and placed it on a cake dish. I lit every single candle in the house, and there are quite a few candles, I turned on the radio to the quiet storm. And I simply waited for hin to come home. When he got there he was surprised. The first thing he asked me was what did he do to deserve this. I told him that I realized I have been a bad girlfriend lately. We sat down and ate, and talked which is something that we really needed to do. We cleared the air on a few things. Apologized for a few things. Agreed on a few thing and disagreed on a few things. Afterwards we had desert, pound cake with vanilla ice cream on top of it and chocolate syrup drizzled on top. It was delicious. Then we cleaned up sat back had a few more drinks and enjoyed some good music. About an hour and a half later we were off to bed. (get your minds out of the gutter, we didn't do anything) We fell asleep in each others arms. It was really sweet.

About an hour and a half into our sleeping my phone rang. Instantly I knew who it was because of the ring tone. So once I got myself together and picked up the phone it had went to voice mail so I sat up, rolled out of bed and went down stairs to call him back. I know that was dead wrong but I couldn't help myself. I needed to hear his voice. So there I was down stairs on my man's couch and talking to my secret lover. He never ceases to amaze me. I told him that I was going to stop over analyzing our relationship and just go with the flow. He said he was happy to hear that, now he can concentrate on spending more time with me instead of worring about me trying to find reasons for us not to be together. He told me that even though he didn't want to admit it he has thought about us actually being in a relationship. Because I know him so well and I know his situation. He said he just doesn't want to feel like he is being forced into something, That has happened to him before, and it kinda snowballed into something that he didn't anticipate and he tried to make the best of it but in the end it failed miserable. Anyway I was shocked to hear that he actually has thought about us in a relaionship. I know that sounds crazy since I did describe the kind of passion we have between us, but we had kinda agreed that what happens in the bedroom would go no futher than that. So we talked for a while. We were both getting a little hot and bothered so we decided to say good night. I was glad that he had a house guest staying with him so he didn't press the issue of me coming over because I was already with my man and like I mentioned before, he doesn't know I'm still with my man. So anyway after he said good night he also said I love you. Once again that shocked me because that is just bedroom talk. It doesn't mean that when we say it we don't mean it. But when you start saying it at the end of phone conversations or at the end of every visit or just in the middle of the day for no reason it just starts to seem more real. Does that sound stupid? I don't know if it makes sense to y'all but it makes sense to me. Anyhoo...

Couldn't keep it to myself any longer

If I would have known the sex was going to be this good I would have f*#ed him ions ago. Why can't things just be as simple as, he likes me, I like him so we just do the dam thing. Nope. It has to be as complicated as I love him, he loves me but our affair is taboo. And there is no way we should be together. F*#ck!!! Why am I lieing to him and telling him that me and my man are not together? I have never lied to him before about anything. But there was no way I could tell him that I got back with him after he put me out. Ok, maybe it wasn't that drastic. It wasn't like he packed my shit and put me out in the cold. He just simply told me he wanted his space back and this wasn't working for him anymore. Whatever. That's another story and that's not the one I'm telling right now.

I'm telling a tale of passion, lust, love good laughs, and great sex. That's everything I have with him. Because he thinks I'm no longer with my man, he keeps telling me he thinks I'm on the rebound. So I asked him, "If you think I'm on the rebound with you then what's your excuse for being with me?" His response. "Because I love you." "Well, I love you too and that's why I'm dealing with you." Right now I'm getting what I need from him. It's what I'm lacking in my relationship. Don't get me wrong I love my man. But I am now 100% sure that he will never be my husband. But the reason I am still with him is because he is really a good man and good men are extremely hard to come by in this day and age. So I will stay with him and be the best girlfriend I can possible be towards him. But I keep him at a distance because he has some issues that he really truely needs to work out. But as I was saying "C" is giving me what I need. I guess we are really giving it to each other. I can be the carefree, comical, sweet, energetic, passionate, sexually inhibited person that I am. We have a comfort zone that is so amazing. Everything with us is just so free flowing. The sex is some of the best I've ever had in my life. We actually make love to each other. I'm talking about the tender touching. The staring into each other's eyes. The passionate kisses. The whispers of I love you's. The running the fingers thru the hair. The neck sucking, finger sucking, hair pulling, soft moaning, sweat dripping, tears rolling. And finally the climaxing TOGETHER!!.......
Then laying there side by side with cum soaked sheets. Trying to catch our breath. Dead silence between us, except for the soft sound of slow jams in the background. He rolls over on his side, while I lay on my back. He strokes the side of my face, plays in my hair, asks me am I alright. "Yes" He pulls me close to him, I lay on his chest, he kisses my forehead and says good night baby. I say good night. A few minutes later I say tell me you love me. He lifts my chin up so I am facing him. He looks me in my eyes and says I love you. I say I love you too and we are off to sleep.