Craving Him

I'm so sorry I can't help it but dayyum, my body is fiending for my "friend" We are both going thru withdrawl. I do believe at first he was purposely keeping me at arms length because he was mad when he found out me and my man were still together. But now that he is over the initial shock he is missing me. But our work schedules are just to conflicting. We both have been putting in way too much time in the work place. Then in his spare time he has his children. That's something I absolutely love about him. He called me Sunday morning and he was making breakfast with the kids. They sounded so cute together. My heart was just melting.

Dam, I'm mad that I came clean about everyhting. I should have kept lieing. You know you can't have anything real with the person you are cheating with because they will never trust you. I can completely understand because If he was with his baby-mamma (that is so ghetto) and he was lieing to her and cheating on her with me I would never be able to trust him if he was trying to be serious with me. He always used to tell me that I knew way too much to be a female. He said I play the game like a man does. I'm not proud of that. I'm not really trying to play any games. I really wish I could take back that first night.

He was so hard headed. The whole time we were just friends and we flirted with each other from time to time. But I knew something was brewing. He thought I was just tripping. He admitted that he cared about me but when I told him he cared more than what he thought he did he didn't want to hear that. He wanted to know how I had the audacity to tell him how he feels. But I knew, he just didn't know it yet.

He called me one night out of the blue and said, "I'm ready" That was all I needed to hear. I got directions and I was on my way to his house. We talked, we drank, we fucked. Then we slowed it down and made love. It was a hell of a night. Well, that one night brought us to where we are now. Secret Lovers.

This is the bullshit that men do and us women are always devastated, and we want to know how can he claim that he love you so much then have a relationship with someone else. Not just sex but a whole relationship. All the while they do love their girlfriend and would do anything for her and want to see her happy and maybe even wants to marry her. Well, that's how I feel. My man is the best and I would never want to hurt him. I always want to be with him. I hope to be his wife one day. But right now I can't help that my body is craving my "friend"

I know y'all think I'm crazy but join the club. Some think I'm crazy. Some think I'm cold and heartless. But whatever.

SICK AND TIRED

Sick and tired of everyone and everything. I'm sick of my brothers and sisters and my daughter and her bone head dad. Then when I start blacking out and yelling and screaming everyone is looking at me like I got 2 heads. Not too long ago everybody started loosing their minds. My sister is now having a real rude awakening about life. She had been unemployed for 3 months. She wanted to get fired from her job because she wanted a new one, because she was too comfortable to just up and quit. So she knew if she got fired it would make her find another job. But if she quit she couldn't collect unemployment. I know this sounds stupid but this was her logic, not mine. So she got fired and was dead broke. Then one day she had the nerve to say I guess I should have been saving money instead of shopping all the time since I knew I was trying to get fired. DUH!!! Then come to find out she was extremely backed up in her rent and her and my little-little sister had to move out. So they put everything in storage (I payed for) and moved out of their place) So that meant she went to our daddy's house and my little-little sister came with me. Now meanwhile back at the ranch, my little brother had moved in with me at the end of the summer. I knew that wasn't going to last because he really does not want to get himself together. So he was there for almost three months.



One morning after getting off of work I came home and there was a condom in my toilet. He tried to give me some bogus story about his little friend must have disposed of it after they left the girl's house. So I'm supposed to believe that he had it on him and waited until they were at my house and used my bathroom. DUH!! I must be some type of fool. But apparantly my little brother was the fool because now he is boarderline homeless. He is no longer staying with me. He thinks there is a conspiracy against him because we are telling him he needs to pack up and go to Missouri with our brother. My brother is his only hope of becoming a halfway descent man. My brother will be able to do with him what his daddy could not do because he simply never tried. But whatever.

Anyway, like I was saying, my little-little sister is living with me and my daughter. It's been ok for the most part. The other day her boyfriends car broke down and it is in the shop. At first I thought the reason it was taking so long to get fixed was because there was a money issue. I was about to offer to help him pay for it. Because now my sister has been begging me to take her to school. He used to be there every single morning to get her to school. For some strange reason my little sister has not even attempted to catch the bus. The reason that is really strange to me is because just a month ago when her and the other sister was living tgether she was getting up in the morning and catching the bus so now I want to know what the hell has changed from one house to the other. The other morning my daughter was home and I had to take her to school. So I had to make two different trips in two different directions. This is after I worked a 12 hour shift over night. The last thing I want to do is be in traffic in the morning taking kids to school. Usually when I take my daughter to school I go to my man's house to get in bed because he lives down the highway from her school and there is no traffic going his way. So because I had to turn around and come back my way it was a pain in the ass. My daughter has to be to school at 8:ooam and my sister at 8:20. It is a real pain in the ass.

Then the other day my man called me and told me to come and look at this Christmas tree he got for me. His job had 50 trees delivered to them for free and they gave them out to needy families for the kids that attend the club. Anyway he put the best tree aside for me and he wanted to know if I liked it because I am quite picky about my trees. Anyway, out of the kindness of my heart I told him to take it to my daddy's house for my sister. She had been arguing with my dad about him letting her get a tree. She said he finally gave in. But I knew he wasn't going to just go out and buy one and I know she didn't have the money yet to get her tree so I gave my perfectly plump tree to her. Now I will still have to brave the cold weather and pay at least $30 to get me a tree. I was so pissed off and I wanted my tree back. Then on top of that I had to go and pay her storage bill because it was due and there was a late fee tacked on. I was a little annoyed over that. Then tonight she text me and asked me could she borrow $100. Hell no, I'm sick and tired. There is more to this story but it's starting to get a little long winded and I'm starting to get a little pissed. So I will give you the rest a little later. Let me calm myself first.

But before I go. I just want to say that on a brighter note. Me, my man and my "friend" are doing good. Hahaha. Me and my man are planning on having a wonderful holiday together. Meanwhile my "friend" has informed me that he loves me and until I decide to stop being bothered with him he will be around. I told him that I feel the same way about him. So I guess our little love affair wll go on as long as we want it to. But I know that my man is my #1 priority.