I Almost Feel Guilty

I'm not trying to take pleasure in his pain. Actually I wish the very best for him. But Lawd knows I just don't want to be bothered with him. I can't accept collect calls on my phone unless I agree to a pre-paid account through the Camden County phone service. Ain't that some shit. When he calls they give you the option to set up an account with them and you can either put $25.00 or $50.00 on your accont. When it runs out they let you know and you can always add more money. The first time he called of course added money on to the account so I could speak with him. I was also concerned because he did have a broken leg, and stitches in his face. The cops did rough him up. Of course I do not wish any ill will on him so I wanted to make sure he was ok. We talked for a few days until the money ran out then I added another $25.00 to the account. But I knew that was it for me. Usually when he gets locked up we never have a chance to talk to each other because I never take the collect call block off my phone. So why would I let this time be any different.

Since he has been gone I have been truely happy. I'm not even talking about since he has been locked up because he was already gone from my house 3 weeks before the incident happened. He had been trying everything he could think of for me to let him come back home. He even called me out the clear blue and said he talked to some contractors about doing some work on my house. Before all this happened he was supposed to get my basement recarpeted. That was what I asked for for my birthday. He even said he was going to have them paint the house. I needed the living room and dining room done. That was his way of getting back in my good graces. I was extremely tempted but I was very skeptical. I started thinking that I could get all that shit done myself. It might take me a little longer but I don't give a dam if the house was falling down around my ankles. As long as I can be there all by myself without him nothing else matters. I love waking up in my bed all by myself. I can sleep diagnal, parallel, upside down spread eagle or whatever. When I clean up my bedroom I know it will still be clean when I get home from work in the morning.

I don't have to hear his loud ass snoring. I don't have to smell his funky ass cigarettes. I don't have to argue over what bill needs to be paid. I don't have to cook for him (which I rarely did anyway). I don't have to worry about him in the streets all night. Not cheating but just in the lime light into the drugs. (I would probably feel better if he was cheating). Speaking of that, I don't have to pretend that I'm half way enjoying sex when I'm just not really into it. Hell, now that I think about it maybe he was cheating. I wish she would have came to get him a long time ago. Basically I don't have to see his face or hear his voice. I freakin' love it. I hate him being where he is but like I said I'm just happy I don't have to deal with him. I just wanted to be free. He's talking about he might get 5 with a 3. For those who don't know what that means. First of all be happy that you are not familiar with the legal lingo. That means you haven't had to deal with this mess. Anyway it means he will be sentenced to 5 years, but will be eligible for parole in 3 years. If he gets 3 years he already knows what the deal is. I do not do bids. Shyte in 3 years I could be married and pregnant. That second part will never happen. I doubt if the first one will happen but you never know.

On another note. I am finished painting my living room. WHOOPIE!! I'm so proud of myself. I even went out to the store and brought new curtains. They are so sexy. I can't wait to put them up. Then I'm going to start on my dining room. I can't wait to finish. But I'm taking my time to complete one room at a time. Everything will be done by Christmas. After I'm done painting and putting up curtains I'm going to clean the rugs and get the furniture cleaned. I can't wait. I'm just going to lay back and enjoy my house and my holidays without him.