Decisions,Decisions

They say if you love something you gotta let it go...And if it comes back then it means so much more...And if it never does then at least you will know that it was something you had to go thru to grow....

How true is that? We always let each other go, and some way we always find our way right back to each other. It wouldn't be so bad if there weren't other people involved. He always gets another girlfriend or friend or whatever the hell she is and I always do the same. And for some reason these people are always really into us but we can't get to into them because we are to busy chasing each other. It's really a crazy situation and we realize what we are doing and we really want to stop hurting these other people, but we can't help it. I really thought it was over this time. But in reality what would make this time any different from any other time. Last time I was with someone for 5 months. He was actually living with someone else. I don't even remember how the hell we got back together but somehow we did. I found a reason to leave my other man alone and he just packed up and left the girl he was living with. She was and still is devastated over that. That's why she harrasses us every chance she gets. You know how women are. Men will get over it and keep it moving. Not women they hold grudges like a pit-bull with a freakin' bone. Anyway what it all boiled down to was I left my man because he wasn't Boss. (I love that negro). How can I not? He knows exactly what appeals to me.M-O-N-E-Y.

I must have already been looking for a reason to put some distance between me and my dude. He did something on Mon. and I stopped speaking to him for days. He was blowing up my phone, but I was already chillin' with Boss. Now he has moved back in with me. But we are not officially together. He just needs a place to stay until he gets himself together. (yeah right) I know him, he is taking advantage of this opportunity to do whatever it takes to put us back together. One thing I really liike about him is he doesn't care about the next dude. Feel me? He knows I still semi deal with the other dude. but that doesn't concern him because he knows he is going to have me all to himself soon. He just handles his business and let the chips fall into place. Come on now, you gotta love that type of shit. Meanwhile this other dude is complaining and whining about him being back at my house with me. Me and D.(that's what i'll call him) were never officially together so I feel like whatever happens happens. He has the option to walk away right now if the shit isn't sitting to well with him. (which I know it's not).

On the other hand. I really do like D., and as long as he is going to deal with me I'm going to deal with him. At least until I decide that I'm going to make shit official with my man again. I know this all sounds real crazy and comfusing, but welcome to my world. So I kinda feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Me and D were really working toward something. We really do have strong feelings for each other, but me and Boss got time in. We have invested a lot in each other. It's hard to walk away from 4 years especially when you have been thru hell and high water together. We have passion. It is so serious.

On another note kinda off the subject........I have been knowing D. for a long time. Our families are close with one another. Anyway back in the day about 6 or 7 years ago I used to chill with a girl that he was with. We had a little crew it was about 5 of us that were always together and as a matter of fact she lived in the same apt. complex I lived in. Anyway I haven't seem this girl in years. They were dealing with eath other for a real long time probably 5 years on and off. She would always creep with him even when she had a man. Now at this point they haven't really been together in almost a year but they do still talk and keep in touch. So he had told me he wanted to tell her about us becauce it is just commom courtesy between ex-lovers. I definitely understood that because i'm sure if she was dealing with someone that he used to be boyz with he would not want to hear about it in the streets especially because they still keep in touch. Anyway, as you can probably imagine she is now "THE MAD RAPPER." He said she went on and on for at least 45 minutes about how I am such a whore, and how could he even think about messing with someone like me. She said he must be in a drought to deal with me. She said how can you go from someone like me to someone like her. So they were in an arguement. When it all boiled down he said there isn't anything that you can say that can change the way I feel about her. So she was hot. I told him that from now on she is going to be relentless in her pursuit to get him in bed. He didn't believe me (men are so naiive sometimes) Needless to say she is calling him ALL THE TIME now. She calls for the stupidest shit(I really hate women). So the other day she was "in the neighborhood"(yeah right) so she called and asked if he was busy and could she stop by. He said yeah. He said no sooner than she got in the door she started with the smart comments about me and him. He finally told her that he didn't want to hear anything else about it because she is making herself look stupid. She keeps saying that she doesn't care and she is not jealous but it is apparent that she does care and she is quite jealous. He told her that I never speak a bad word about her and she shouldn't say anything negative about me. Well that shit went in one ear and out the other. She is still currently holding the heavy weight championship title as "THE MAD RAPPER."