Opening A Can Of Old Worms

I have been broke us from my ey-boyfriend for a little over 4 years, but we have always remained friends. Well a few days ago we had a heart to heart conversation and I told him we probably will get back together. I told him when he gets his own place (still home w/ mom) I want a key b/c I'm not going to let him turn it into a bachelor pad. I assured him that if we got back togetherI wouldn't cheat on him because I have grown up since we were together. Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, you get the picture. Anyway I ended the conversation by telling him I love him.

A few days later I asked him when he gets a chance could he bring me a book of stamps.(he is the mailman). Needless to say he rushed right over to bring them to me. So he came in and made himself comfortable. That was fine because like I said we are still fly as hell so I didn't mind the thought of him chillin' with me. But almost instantly I was irked by his presence. I was lookin' at him thinking "what did I ever see in him in the first place?" He is an ok lookin' guy but just so totally not my type. There isn't anything about him that I find attractive. I hate the way he dresses. I hate the way he walks. I hate how he just seems sheltered and there are a lot of things he does not understand. Sometimes it seems like we are from 2 totally seperate worlds.
He is too suburbanized for me. He has no type of thug appeal. I need that in my life. :-). So while I was sitting there picking him apart in my mind, I realized all this is the dam reason I broke up with him in the first place. He sensed my agitation and asked me what was wrong because he was not fealin' the love. I just told him I was tired. But I'm sure he knew better. So anyway he was about to leave, and he leaned over to kiss me. So I was willin' to give him a kiss. Stupid me should have known he was going to try and get some tongue action. I was just tryin' to do a quick peck and leave it at that. So when he went there I automatically pushed him away, it was just a reflex. He just smiled and kissed me on the neck and left. I was so glad he was gone.

Now I think he might not be speakin' to me. He was supposed to take me to get my Christmas tree yesterday, but I haven't heard from him. I know this whole situation is f-d up. I know I was wrong for saying all the things I said to him. I really do not know what I was thinking. He is really a nice guy. He has a really good job(I already mentioned). He drives a nice truck, fat bank account. Actually those are the things that made me deal with him in the first place. He had money and he didn't mind spending it on me. He spoiled me to no end and I loved it to death. But after a while I just couldn't look past all the things that were bothering me about him. So if I couldn't do it then what made me think I could do it now?