REMINISCING

Tomorrow, Oct. 31rst will be 3 years to the day I had to bury my mother. Needless to say it is a sad day for me. For some strange reason it doesn't dawn on me on the day she passed. It always hits me the day she was buried. I think it is becaause it is a holiday, and it used to be one of my favorite holidays. My mom would always take my younger brothers and sisters as well as my daughter trick or treating. She would drive them to different neighborhoods and sit in the car while they went up and down the street begging for candy (haha). She loved seeing all the decorations on different houses. I think she enjoyed the whole thing as much as they did. Then she would take them to the mall, because the stores were always giving out candy also.

Since she has been gone they do not trick or treat anymore. Instead we try to visit her grave site. It's kind of ironic being at a grave site on Halloween, because it's not for the purpose of being spooked...I remember the day we buried her it never even dawned on me that it was Halloween until we were leaving the cemetary,and there was kids walking around in costumes coming from school. None of us paid it any mind.

Now all of the holidays are just so different without her around. The first time we had to celebrate Thanksgiving without her that was the worst because my mom was known worldwide for her cooking (maybe not worldwide) :). But at least city wide. She was thee best cook I've ever known and I'm not just saying that because she was my mom. Then the first Christmas without her was so sad. We all had a really nice Christmas but it just wasn't the same of course without her. Mother's day, her birthday. Now that I think about it it's not just the holidays it's every Sunday or Tuesday or Friday night. It's any day and every day. It bothers me that I can't go to the movies with her, like we always did. I can't call her up on the phone to gossip about whoever or whatever. I can't go to her house and get something to eat. I can't get her advise on something, I can't get her opinion on something.

The thing that always bothered me the most was she was only 45 when she passed and she had 3 children that were all minors. I feel like they were cheated I at least had her for 26 years, but my youngest sister only had her for 12. I simply could not imagine loosing her when I was that young. Everytime I would look at them it would hurt me so bad!! But they have somehow managed to push past the hurt and continue to do their thing. I am so,so proud of them. I can never express that to them enough...My mom used to always say to us "when I die yall probably won't even be there for each other because all you do is argue." We have proved her so wrong and I know she is quite pleased.

They say time heals all wounds, but it will take me a lifetime to get over loosing Denise Lorraine Taylor.............................................................I miss her so much.