Feeling like whatever

Why does it always take me forever to post a new blog? I have no idea. It's definitely not for lack of conversation. Like the title says, there is always something going on.

Since I was last here I have had a death in the family. One of my aunties had a heart attack. I have been sick and felt like I was brought back from the dead! I'm missing my man like crazy. He Informed me that he is making arrangement to sell his house and move back home to Virginia. My ex-boyfriend has been calling me every day, several times a day. I got a new job. My daughter is about to start working. Now she may also be sick because there is a nasty bug going around and everyone is passing it around.

Honestly I don't even feel like elaborating on anything. But I will give a you a quick briefing.
I'm kinda ok with me and "R" not being together but when I found out he was going to go back to Viginia I was a little stunned! I remeber when we first got back together and we were planning on moving in together and getting married he did tell me that if things did not work out with us then he was going to leave Jersey. Of course I didn't really pay him any attention because I wasn't planning on anything going wrong with us. So now that I know he is really trying to leave I'm quite bothered by that. I understand why he would just pick up and go. He has no ties here and all his immediate family is there so why would he stay here. If I was him I would do the same thing. Especially because for whatever reason that's where I want to be anyway. But I have my daughter to consider. I didn't want to take her away from her dad. So I wanted to move when she turned 18. That way she could make her own decision to stay or go.

Anyway, my dad has 2 sisters and they are my favorite aunts. The oldest one had a heart attach but she is fine. Thank God because I wouldn't be able to handle it if something happened to her right now because she is like a second mother to me and my sisters. My other aunt, her husband had a massive heart attach and he died. He was only 53 and my aunt is only 41. Needless to say she was absolutely devastated. They had been having problems at the time. So you know how people hold guilt if someone dies and the last time they spoke to that person things weren't on good terms. So it was even harder on her. Anyway we got thru the funeral. It was almost 2 weeks ago.

I am starting a new job in March. It is the exact same thing I do at my job and I'm not leaving my job. The only reason I wanted to seek employment somewhere else is because I wanted more stability. I am not regular staff at my job so if I'm not needed they can always cancel me and I won't be able to work. I don't like that because I am a bit of a work-a-holic. But like I said I will still be at my first job. I'm just going to work at both places. I know it sounds like a lot but it's really not. It will actually work out fine.

My daughter's best friend's mom is a manager at Taco Bell so she is going to let my daughter work there on the weekends. I have to get working papers for her and take her for a physical. Then in the summer she will be able to do more hours. My daughter is so excited. She wants to work so bad. I personally think she is to young. But I'm going to let her do it as long as she stays focused in school. She said she is tired of always asking me for so much money. She realized how much I give her. But I don't mind and really she will only be working 2 days out of the week so she will still be hitting me up for money. hahaha

Boss has been calling me everyday. I will admit I enjoy our conversations but that's as far as things go. As a matter of fact he still thinks that me and "R" are going strong. I only did that because I don't want him to start trying to pop up at my house. There isn't anything between us but friendship. I keep encouraging him to be good to his girlfriend. She could be good for him. Eventhough she is just going to let him walk all over her, but whatever. I got my own problems.

A few days ago I think I felt what death must feel like. I'm not even kidding. I was so sick I didn't know what to do with myself. But I guess maybe it was just a 24 hour bug because the next day I was ok then that night I came to work. Hahaha. I know that sound crazy but like I said I'm a workaholic!

Speaking of that, I'm starting to get a little annoyed with myself because my daughter pointed something out to me that I already knew but when she mentioned it I realized how bad it is. She told me that she notices how hard I work, but all I do is sit in the house and go no where. Meanwhile if I see something I want I will buy it then it's just hanging in the closet untouched because I don't go out anywhere anymore. She is so right. Three weeks ago I brought a pair of black leather boots I just had to have them! They are still sitting in the exact same place I put them when I brought them in the house. I have clothes with the tags on them that I won't get a chance to wear because the winter will be over before I decide to go anywhere. It's really getting ridiculous. Tomorrow I'm going to get a pair of Coach sneaker that I need to add to my collection. It will probably be a few months before I wear them. If I go out the house I just throw something real plain on or I have on my scrubs because chances are I'm on my way to work so I have so many clothes that remain untouched.

Anyway that's whats been going on with me. I'm going to try to get back into blogging more. I'm just feeling like blah these days. It could be just I really do hate the winter and I can't wait for the spring to break. It could be i'm feeling some type of way about me and "R". Maybe i'm tired of going to funerals. That's what made me feel some type of way about me and "R" in the first place. Death is so permanent. It makes all the arguements seem petty. Anyway I'm kinda in a funk but I'll be fine :-)